Situationship Stalemates
Will you be the next victim of the (situationship) apocalypse?
Hi hi! Long time no talk… my bad. I’ve been absolutely swamped with my less-than-appealing rotation of productive activities: school, work, homework, applying to “big girl jobs,” and sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a lot to talk about, just not enough time to write it all down. Hopefully, by the end of the year (or next), I’ll have gotten into a groove and will be posting consistently. Until then, try to bear with me as I find my footing.
Since we last talked, not much has happened… HOWEVER, I have found myself unable to escape situationships. Whether it’s friends, TikTok storytimes, or oddly specific Instagram reels, I’ve been taunted by them. For those who have successfully dodged the situationship apocalypse and aren’t familiar with the term, situationships are essentially relationships with no concrete title—somewhere between friends with benefits and dating. This relationship genre plays multiple roles in the romance department, giving lovers commitment without rigid boundaries, thus creating room for: A) exploring other people, B) realizing you want to settle down, or C) the good ol’ “I need to focus on myself.” I’m sure there are more options, but these are the ones I’ve encountered so far.
Of course, there’s a natural limbo that lovers fall into when exploring the nature of their relationship, but when time exceeds comfort without conclusion, situationship territory is nearing. Titles are nonexistent, but expectations are ever so high as emotions and attachment grow—well, at least for one person. Avoidant types may find great comfort in this sort of relationship, while the more commitment-oriented likely loathe it. Regardless of the outcome, it seems situationships may cause people to explore relationships and sexual freedom all at once, ultimately moving them twice as fast through the growing pains of partnership and romantic relationships. With all of this said, it’s become clear that situationships have the potential to become a stalemate between partners, causing those involved to question whether their lover is a friend or foe.
As one of the more sexually liberated generations, Gen Z has heavily contributed to the rise of the situationship term. The 20-somethings have lobbied for sex positivity, fiercely combating the historically shameful narrative around casual sexual interactions. Casual relationships are more acceptable than ever. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with the acceptability of casual hookups, but I’ve started noticing that their impact is different than one might think. It seems that 20-somethings are wanting to settle down earlier, marry sooner, and even have children earlier than I was aware of… For context, I’m 21 years old, and most of my friends fall into the age range of 20-25. I’m no stranger to casual relationships, but I’ve mostly teetered on the opposite spectrum—my teen years were spent in and out of “serious” relationships, which left little room for exploration when it came to partners. With that said, the idea that people around my age are ready and willing to get married and even have children is jarring.
I spoke to one of my friends about this, looking for another opinion, and he furthered my hunch—let’s call him Arthur. Arthur just turned 22 and was telling me about his friends who are a bit older than us—maybe 23-24. He not-so-calmly conveyed that a decent number of his friends were looking for someone to settle down with—some even looking for MARRIAGE.
As I continued to discuss this with him, he expressed his personal stress about the relationship timeline. “If I meet someone now, I date them for 3+ years, and then I’m 25. We get engaged at 26, plan a wedding, get married at 26-27, then travel and have kids at 28.”
What. The. Hell.
Before this conversation, I’d tried my best to stay away from the marriage topic. After all, that chapter of my life is still a long way off (or so I think). This isn’t to say that the occasional “Ugh, I hope I get married one day” thoughts don’t pop up from time to time because they do, but with little to no husband prospects in sight, I try not to let marriage take up too much brain space. Admittedly, I do harbor some anxiety about the topic and truly hope to find someone someday—but for me personally, I doubt it’s going to happen anytime soon.
I listened to Arthur talk, struggling to keep my mouth closed while numerous questions and uneasiness ran through my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder: IS MY TIME DWINDLING? Do I only have two years to meet the love of my life to stay on the "ideal relationship track"? Are situationships and casual relationships speeding up marriage and monogamy?
My questions remain unanswered; however, my anxiety was somewhat calmed when I got home, turned on the TV, and clicked Netflix.
samz76. (n.d.). The gals. Pinterest . Sex and The City photo
Many shows and movies depict the mid-twenties as the prime time for sexual exploration. With new found freedom, new adults break free of their childhood restraints and start drinking, smoking, and living freely. Sex and the City, my current favorite show ever, goes even further, extending this time of solo exploration and freedom past the twenties and into the mid-thirties and forties. Throughout the show the main characters (the lovely ladies pictured above) express similar anxieties to my friend Arthur, Charlotte on the left specifically. The show follows the women through their series of relationships both with partners and one another, each of them on their own path, but all maintaining a strong sense of self. While relationships are a pillar of the show, marriage or the prospect of marriage is the least interesting thing about the main characters, in my opinion—these women are absolutely fabulous on their own.
Anyways, all of this to say, I recently finished the series and found great relief after seeing multiple successful women unmarried “later” in life. So maybe my clock isn’t ticking as fast as I thought. After all, more than I hope for marriage, I hope to be just as fabulous, if not more so, in 20 years as I am now.
Hopefully, you didn’t read this looking for concrete answers, because quite frankly, I don’t have them. For all I know, this is all normal, and I am simply surrounded by a marriage-driven group of 20-somethings. As for me, I’m not totally sure where I fall in the marriage discussion. I’m definitely not ready for marriage, much less children, but I guess I wouldn’t be opposed to a serious relationship. I suppose we’ll see what 2025 holds for me. I can only hope I don’t end up in a situationship.
- A 21 year old situationship survivor